| The Hash | The term used to refer to the collective bunch of half-brains comprising individual hash groups. |
| Hasher | A generic term (i.e., neutered, as most hash members should be) for both male and female members. |
| Harrier | A male hasher. |
| Harriette | A female hasher. (Not female impersonators or just anyone in a Red Dress.) |
| Hare | A hasher who lays the trail for the pack to follow. (Not to be confused with getting laid on the trail, which is available for anyone.) |
| Hash | Typically, white flour which is used to mark the trail. (Of course, when it snows, this can be a little tricky to follow.) |
| Hash Name | A fond nickname bestowed upon a hasher. The purpose of this name is to insult and humiliate you as well as to protect your true identity. It will undoubtedly be a name you would not have chosen for yourself. If you really hate your hash name, wait a few runs and request a renaming. Then you'll get something worse. |
| Nerd Name | The one your mother gave you, which she picked out when she was in labor and which bears little resemblance to your true personality, which, of course, is reflected in your hash name. |
| Pack | The group of half-brains trying to follow the trail by reading the hare-laid hash signs. The group is easily side-tracked by the aroma of beer from nearby bars, coolers, trailer parks, etc. |
| Wanker | Pejorative synonym for hasher. Strictly speaking, one who masturbates. |
| Chalk | If you don't know what chalk is, one of two things can happen: you will either fit in very well with the rest of the half-brains in this group, or it could be too much for you. Give it your best shot. |
| Flour | The white powdery stuff used to set the trail, sometimes mistaken by the uninitiated neighbors and local constables as cocaine or anthrax. In winter, it shows up better on snow when mixed with colored carpenter’s chalk. |
| True Trail | The trail dreamed up by the hares in their most diabolical moments purportedly leading you to the beer. |
| Check | A mark made with chalk or flour in the shape of a circle with an X inside it. At this mark, it is necessary to spread out and determine where the true trail leads. It could be straight ahead, to the left, to the right—you get the idea. It will not be behind you. Duh! The first mark will not usually be more than 150 feet from the check. (Ha!) When you have followed at least 4 hash marks and have not encountered a bad trail or back check, you should be on the true trail. (Ha again!) |
| Checking | A hasher who has reached a check and is presently in search of true trail is checking. |
| Looking | A hasher not near a known check, who hasn't seen marks in the last 100 feet as expected, and is in search of another hash mark is looking. |
| Are You? | Question asked to determine what the upfront hashers are doing. It means: are you checking, looking, shortcutting, entering the woods to relieve yourself in some manner, or just plain lost. One blast of your whistle means the same thing. Hashers on the true trail will answer with two blasts of their whistles to indicate On On or they will scream something totally incomprehensible so that you rush forward thinking that they are on true trail only to discover that they are totally lost and stuck armpit deep in some awful mud/sink hole. |
| On On | A phrase shouted by hashers to the lost souls behind them when they are On the On or true trail. Alternately, the hasher can give two short blasts on the whistle. |
| On Up | A phrase shouted by those hashers presently climbing uphill. Sometimes harriettes are heard using the phrase toward harriers, usually to no avail. |
| On Down | A phrase you will hear shouted from those hashers running downhill, as you are probably still continuing uphill towards the BT. Also heard being used by harriers toward harriettes. |
| On Over | A phrase shouted by those hashers getting ready to cross a major road, creek, ravine, or the prone body of another hasher. |
| Bad Trail | Also known as a “BT” for short. Marked by three parallel lines or by the letters “BT” to prevent you from continuing in the direction you had been going. In some hash groups, who will remain nameless (initials WH4), the BT mark will be an “X”. |
| Backcheck | A mark, usually in the form of a checkmark or the letters “BC”, that tells the pack to backtrack on the trail they have just been running on. A number will indicate how many hash marks to go back on the trail. When you reach that mark, consider it a check, and search for true trail from there. |
| Hare's Arrow | An arrow with three short lines on the tail. This mark indicates you are definitely on the true trail. A hasher notifies others of this by yelling something mysterious and catchy like “Hare’s Arrow, True Trail” or by giving two short blasts on the whistle. Only the hares can make this mark. |
| Pack Arrow | An arrow without lines on the tail. This mark can be placed on the trail by any hasher who thinks that he or she knows where the true trail goes. Isn’t that scary? Some hashers will also place their initials beside the mark for the purpose of letting you know that they are ahead of you and/or as a warning that they were the one marking the check. If there is a “W” next to the arrow, it means that you have found the Walkers’ trail. You will find that some pack arrows are better to follow than others. (WARNING: Beware of M/L, FMB, PD, and QD markings, unless you really don’t care when you finish.) |
| Beer/Water Check | A special check about half way through the trail having beer, soda, and/or water. Designed to keep the pack together and provide liquid refreshment at the same time. |
| Shiggy | Nasty, unpleasant obstacles encountered on the trail. Generally, these are natural and not man-made, e.g., dense brush, mud, briars, foul-smelling glop, swamps. Fellow hashers are usually excluded from this category. |
| F.R.B.s (Front Running Bastards) | These are the overachieving hashers who forgot that the hash is a non-competitive event for beer drinkers. You continually find them showing off at the front of the pack. |
| S.C.B.s (Short Cutting Bastards) | These are sneaky, clever hashers who manage to find a shorter (usually unmarked) route to the beer, without getting themselves completely lost, or arrested. |
| Virgin | No, we are not naïve enough to mean this literally! This term refers to otherwise normal people who participate in their first hash. This designation may or may not correspond to the individual's sexual status. |
| Beer Near (“BN”) | A mark placed on the trail by the hares indicating that the beer is less than a quarter mile away. If you happen to be at all thirsty, now is the time to get the lead out! |
| On In | You will happily shout this phrase just before consummating that sexual act. No, wait. This is the phrase shouted at the end of the trail, to be heard by those in your wake, that beer is imminent! |
| Down Down | Hash honor performed in the circle. The beverage of your choice (beer, soda, or water) will be poured in a vessel. Once you start to drink, you are expected to finish the entire contents. Once you remove the vessel from your lips, you are required to turn the vessel upside down on your head. It is to your advantage if the vessel is empty at this point, because what doesn’t go IN you, goes ON you! Hats are not worn while performing a Down Down. |
| Violation | Anything that anyone does on trail that violates moral or immoral sensibilities. Examples: relieving oneself on trail; doing a face plant in the mud; failure to carry/bring the hashit; wearing head gear whilst performing a Down Down; failure to have your whistle; causing fellow hashers to get lost; poor markings by the hares—you get the idea. |
| Cinderella | A hasher who forgets where he or she is and wears (gasp!) new shoes to the hash. The hasher will be duly rewarded by being required to drink out of the shoes during the circle. |
| Whining | Trying to make any semblance of a defense against any violation charges. Expect to perform a Down Down if found guilty. |
| Hashit | Ahhh. A special weekly award given to the deserving hasher who has committed the most heinous offense in the judgment of the assembled hashers. The lesson here: inform on your fellow hashers before they inform on you! The winner of the hashit is expected to add something appropriate to it representing either the hasher or the reason for getting it, and to carry it throughout all subsequent runs until it is bestowed upon another. |
| Hash Trash | The official organ of MVH3. Published weekly, its purpose is to rehash the previous week's run, inform hashers of upcumming MVH3 and other hash events, and amuse the masses. Prepared by the Scribe. |
| Whistle Check | An inspection conducted at the end of the hash to ensure that all hashers have a whistle in their possession. |
| Pudjam | A sticky, white...no, in this case, PUDJAM is shorthand for the DC hash hotline: (202) PUD-JAM0 (783-5260). You can get directions to the next MVH3 by calling this number and pressing 6#. |
| Mismanagement | The group of half-brains who mistakenly thought they were volunteering for some sexual adventure when asked what position they wanted to be in. |
| Hash Cash | Usually, the hasher driving the nicest car, paid for with funds skimmed from the hash. The Hash Cash acts as the treasurer. |
| Hash Register (a/k/a On Sec) | Normally, a hasher with at least some education. The absence of any social life enables them to devote themselves to the painstaking task of preparing and updating the weekly roll and sign-in sheets. It is not a good idea to piss off the Hash Register since they are in charge of keeping tracking of your run count and thus seeing that you get your due rewards. |
| Religious Advisor | The hasher with the worst voice and best memory for weird songs and heinous crimes committed by the assembled group of hashers. Responsible for welcoming new hashers (don’t be fooled when they ask if you want to have a religious experience). Everything, including the weather, can be blamed on the Religious Advisor. |
| Haberdasher | The hasher who designs and sells hash paraphernalia such as t-shirts, shorts, patches, tattoos, and other novelties with the aim of divesting you from the money the Hash Cash didn't get. Beware of 2 for 1 offers—you never know what the Hab has in mind. |
| Hare Raiser | The hasher elected to encourage other hashers to hare runs. Normally not the most tactful hasher in the group. Supposed to know everything there is to know about laying a good trail (that’s with an “r”). |
| Scribe | Usually, the only hasher stupid enough to admit possessing writing skills. Publishes the weekly Hash Trash. A good person to suck up to if you want your name in/out of the Hash Trash. |
| Joint Master | Normally, a hasher who was absent on election day. Responsible for the weekly mismanagement of the hash. They strive to make everyone happy all of the time. Since this is obviously beyond their capabilities, please render the same respect you would to any other handicapped individual. |
| Grand Master | Burned out hasher that mismanaged the hash as a previous Joint Master. Their job is to bitch loudly about how much better the hash USED to be run, and complain about everything they can think of. Now in a position which far exceeds their abilities, they will attempt to advise the present mismanagement on how best to correct the mess they made while in office. |
| Rules | There are NO rules in hashing. Aren’t you glad you just wasted your time reading all of this? |